Bali: Paradise Shmaradise

Shortly before we left on our trip, as part of my job, I was subjected to a significant number of personality and behavioral tests together with the rest of my company’s management team (lest you think that I was singled out). It’s all part of this new approach to the softer side of management and team building. Needless to say, these are not my favorite activities. I’m sure that you’re wondering what does this have to do with Bali. However, bear with me. When I received the test results back, my abysmally poor score for interpersonal skills, was only exceeded by my complete and utter lack of aesthetic sensibility. Bali is a place that effortlessly harmonizes the interpersonal and the aesthetic. Accordingly, given the inviolate accuracy of the tests, I, of course, hate Bali. And, as you will see, who can blame me.

From the moment we arrived at the airport, I knew that we were in for trouble. We were greeted by a friendly driver, who asked how we were and, believe it or not, actually seemed to care about our answer. We then drove through appallingly beautiful scenery. Bali has not only world class beaches, but also has majestic volcanoes and rich forests. How the hell are you supposed to decide what to do or where to stay? We then made it to our villa in Ubud, considered the spiritual center of Bali. Our villa is a small one bedroom nestled in among the rice paddies. There are no 7-11s, no video stores, no Starbucks, no police sirens, no air traffic. The silence is maddening. Think Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

As you walk around Ubud, it is impossible to avoid noticing that every store, from the most high end to the lowest, is organized with great aesthetic sensitivity making you feel warmly invited into the store. Of course, this is simply a sinister effort to lull you into a sense of well-being that will compel you to purchase. As you walk around Ubud, you will also notice the ubiquitous spiritual “offerings” laid out on the sidewalks, in front of stores and homes, placed in cars, draped around motorbikes, etc. Every morning the women of Bali put these gorgeous offerings together, consisting of palm leaves, flowers and different grasses, rice, etc. as an offering to their ancestors. First, who has time to engage in such painstaking artistic endeavors? Second, the ancestors are dead—move on. As you walk around the streets the people are genuinely friendly, they don’t avert their eyes or give one word answers. They greet our children with genuine warmth and affection. It’s simply over the top.

To make matters worse, Balinese massage is both extraordinarily relaxing and extraordinarily inexpensive. For $10, you can get the most sublime two hour massages that leave you feeling genuinely relaxed and stress-free. In fact, there is something about life in Bali that is generally stress-relieving. It’s as if the people, notwithstanding the myriad challenges that they confront, seem to have found a way to simply enjoy life. Indeed, that is the most unsettling thing about my life in Bali—that I’m without stress. How do people function like that? Without the constant stress that I proudly carry as a badge of accomplishment, I’m left feeling uneasy and out of sorts.

Mercifully, we leave for Israel soon. I’m sure that when we’re deeply ensconced in the conflict and hostility that is endemic to the Middle East, I will regain the cynical and pessimistic world view that is key and core to my personality and greater sense of equilibrium.