Extraordinary Birthday Party

To assist in my placement, two local 17 year old boys have mercifully agreed to work with me. They are terrific, warm boys. I’m constantly remarking that it’s hard for me to imagine 17 year old US boys agreeing to help out a 42 year old woman at a chaotic and ill-equipped nursery. Yet, they do so and they do it with great love and concern. I have become quite close to the boys and I have had the great privilege of being invited to their homes on a few occasions for tea and just hanging out—sometimes we even watch videos of Tanzanian hip hop artists. Their families are so unbelievably warm and welcoming that the few awkward silences that accompany these encounters are well worth the experience.

One particularly remarkable experience was a 21st birthday party for the brother of Steven, one of the 17 year old boys. His mother, Mama Chenge, happens to be the women to whom many of the volunteers send out their laundry, and is the landlord for a few of the CCS staff. She has also graciously showed a few of us around town and helped us avoid the mzungu prices when making some local purchases.

It is hard to describe what an extraordinary party this was—but I will try.

The house is what I suspect is a fairly typical middle class, village Tanzanian home. The main room is about 150 square feet with simple furnishings, reasonably sparse decor and immaculately clean. There were about 30 people there—though it was not clear to me whether they had planned a much smaller celebration that had expanded due to their extremely welcoming nature. It seemed as though the entire community was in attendance—the local artist/tour guide, the bartender from across the street, most of the CCS staff who live within a few hundred meters of the home base. In many ways, it reminded me of my extended family—long time friends that become indistinguishable from blood relatives. The party started as parties typically do—people sitting around drinking soda and beer and making small talk. Then, the official celebration began. The birthday boy is a cute, hip looking guy—as are his brothers. One of the local guys, Abbas, who is apparently like a son to Mama Chenge, served as the MC. Abbas asked the big sister to start the evening with a prayer that was in Swahili. While I did not understand it, it was clearly very welcoming and sweet. He then asked the birthday boy, to cut the cake into tiny pieces and feed a piece to each of his dad, his mom, his big sister, his brothers and his adorable two-year old nephew. Once the family was fed and shown the appropriate respect, he went around to each of the guests and fed us each a bite of cake. Then, the speeches. Certain people were asked to give the birthday boy some words of wisdom. Many of the speeches were given in English, presumably to make the few mzungus in attendance feel welcome, even though it was clearly a challenge for many of them. Abbas translated the few that were in Swahili. Each speech was a sweet, heartfelt, sometimes funny, sometime serious bit of advice for a 21 year old boy who had so many choices and challenges in front of him. He was told to finish his education, to be careful about the choices he makes, to always keep God first, to always be grateful for what you have, to keep the good friends you have and choose new ones wisely. I was a bit horrified when, after several family members spoke, I was asked to speak, apparently because I had been working with Stephen and I am considered a sort of elder here among the volunteers, thanks to my status as the mother to the two volunteer watoto (children). I managed to string something together, between my own tears, about how fortunate he was to be part of this family and community and how privileged we felt to be part of the celebration. The most emotional moment was when the birthday boy finally spoke. He thanked his dad in a fairly perfunctory manner which I later learned was because Mama Chenge is his second wife and this family is somewhat neglected by the father. He then spoke to his mother in the most profoundly beautiful manner. He spoke of how his mother had sacrificed for him and how fortunate he has been for all she has done for him. He promised to make lots of money and take care of his mother—even to buy her a new Rolls Royce when his ship comes in. There was truly not a dry eye in the house. Indeed, he even left in the middle to compose himself from the tears flowing. I inquired as to whether this was a particularly special celebration because it was his 21st birthday—but learned that this is how they celebrate all birthdays in this family.

My description fails to capture the true sense of community that permeated the entire evening, the genuine love and devotion among everyone in attendance and I was even touched by the way all of the 20 something boys played with their 2 year nephew. My description also makes this all sound a bit formal, when it was in fact incredibly casual and warm even as everyone was intensely focused on the proceedings. We mzungus should have felt like outsiders—but instead, we were treated like honored guests and warmly embraced. In fact his father commented in his speech that he is so special, even the mzungus came to his party. It is impossible for me to imagine a similar celebration in the States. I imagine most boys in their early 20s would have some cake, thank their mom and run out to hang out with their friends at some much hipper venue. Truly one of the most touching experiences of my trip thus far.