Cuddle Dodging and Intimacy Lost (and possibly TMI)

On the safari, as we mentioned, the girls were slightly skittish about the unfamiliar animal sounds and wildlife roaming around the tented camps in which we stayed. Accordingly, the girls insisted on each sleeping with one parent. It was the first week, so we were fine with that. Indeed, we both appreciated the opportunity to cuddle and spend some time alone with each of our daughters. One of the things we learned is that our girls have very different cuddling styles. Maya is what I would call a conventional cuddler. She cuddles at the beginning and then wanders to her side of the bed—coming back for an occasional check in. Emma, on the other hand has a much more aggressive style of cuddling that Adam has begun referring to as Greco Roman cuddling. When sleeping with Emma, there is not a second of the evening during which each of your limbs are not completely entangled with hers—and we are not talking gently touching—but aggressively entwined. Occasionally, we attempt, to no avail, to disentangle as we toss and turn or restlessly sleep. Emma is not pleased by this and has started accusing us, with a pathetic face, of “dodging her cuddles.” This has now become our family joke—and Emma makes us swear each night that if we are sharing a bed, we will not dodge her cuddles.

When we planned this six month adventure with our girls, we were particularly looking forward to the opportunity to spend time alone as a family. Adam and I assumed that an obvious consequence of that, particularly on such a small budget, would be a somewhat limited amount of time alone together as a couple. Of course, until the safari, we had no idea how true that would be. Now the four of us are in a small room, in bunk beds (we did force the kids to take the top bunks), which, of course, is not exactly conducive to intimacy.

When we arrived at the home base, we couldn’t help but laugh when we read the following policy set forth in the volunteer’s handbook:

“Cross-Cultural Solutions forbids sexual relations in the Cross-Cultural Solutions premise . . .”

As if. . .

We have now been away for a month or so, and forget about a romantic evening alone together, I don’t even think we have had a private conversation that has lasted longer than 10 seconds. Oh well, we were running out of things to say to each other anyway after 15 years.